Zombie Survival Food: Spaghetti PLUS Sausages

Can't you just imagine the people in Heinz examining their spaghetti-in-a-can and wondering what they could do to make it better? Then one fateful day, the missing ingredient spills out of someones brain in a true eureka moment: ADD SAUSAGES.

Is it me or does the can even look slightly sinister?

I actually tried this out not long after my first forray into the post-apocalypse aisle in the supermarket but a large dollop of burying bad experiences deep inside and a dash of apathy meant I'm only getting around to expressing my distaste now.

B-movie gore in a can.

• The spaghetti was chopped up into pieces (presumably by some sinister German) that were about an inch long so there was literally no chewing involved, which was quite unpleasant.

• The 'sausages' were literally unlike anything I've ever eaten. They could have been vegitarian space food alternative for all I know. Think of the most processed hot dog you've ever eaten and condense it into bite-sized portions (though again, not much chewing was going on).

• The sauce, somehow, is one of your 5-a-day. If it comes to it, just drink the sauce, people. 

Now with added despair!

Zombie Survival Food: Macaroni and Cheese

I haven't been down in the tinned food section of Tesco since I was a student. Now that I've made the transition to intern (and making slightly more than the dole) I splash the cash on fre$h fruit and veg and the likes. But I was there the other day and goddam there's a lot of different food you can get in tins now! It's probably because of the recession and our impending downward spiral into fending for ourselves in the forests of Roscommon or, hopefully, they know something we don't and there's gonna be zombies all up in this bitch. Either way I'm going to try some of this stuff every now and again. Starting off with Mac and Cheese.

Product Detes

• Heinz Macaroni and Cheese
• Costs about 1.30
• Low Fat, apparantly

 Preparation

Simples. Open can. Pour into saucepan. Cook for a few minutes.

You can't beat that 'worms in cat vomit' look of mac and cheese

The Verdict


It's not actualy that bad. Sure, it smells a bit funky and looks horrible but it's edible. There's way too much sauce though and I don't know how much you could eat even if you are holding out from a horde of the undead. 5/10.