Ridiculous Metal of the Month: Bloodbound - In The Name of Metal

I don't actually listen to metal these days. Not 'proper' metal anyway, just stuff with breakdowns played by lads with emo fringes. The only REAL METAL I enjoy in any way is the completely ludicrous, over the top, so into it that it's a parody of itself, MEEETAAAAAAAAAL.

There was a time when I'd try to get into the supposedly more credible genres such as metal and pop punk would be a guilty pleasure from my younger years. These days I am unashamedly representing my pop punk roots but I occasionally relapse into a metal fix. Thankfully these moments are few and far between and when they do happen I am clearheaded enough to see them for the ridiculous, homoerotic lolfactories that they are. So, here is the first installment of Ridiculous Metal of the Month: Bloodbound - In The Name of Metal

So we see the little kid wake up only to be confronted with the genre that every metalhead most despises; Country and Western!! (They also don't like rap too much but will allow it in some situations). Ughhh, country, it's so cheesy and wack. Old music played by dumb hicks with long hair. Not like REAL MUSIC. Not like METAL.

Some things to note:

• Nothing is more metal than screaming metal in a falsetto voice while wearing leather. NOTHING.
• The kid is a great actor and I love that he's nodding his head from the first line and then headbanging out of time and using his air guitar within the opening few seconds, such is the feeling that metal gives him.
• "You say I'm evil, you say I suck. My hair's too long, I don't give a fuck!" And it goes on like this. Is this srs?!
• METAL in flames. Hell yeah!
• The kid knows his stuff. Proper metal bands like Kiss and eh, the Misfits...
• What is the guy in the guitar shop actually doing while he checks the guitar? And why isn't he worried that this child is there alone, buying a guitar that is too big for him, with not even a carrybag or case thrown in? Poor show, sir.
• And so it finally ends, and the kid is on the streets with just a pointy guitar for company.

Are The Offspring trolling? Either way, ppl b mad.

No trollface shoop required!

There's something inherently funny about the situation when a pop-punk band, who have lots of fans who really want the band to be REAL PUNK, release what is essentially a pop song and the fans get mad. The band may have been 'more punk' in the beginning, previous singles may have been 'ironic' or 'sarcastic', but it all boils down to the 'fans' being slightly embarrassed of liking a band that's becoming mainstrm, and therefore not their special little obsession that sets them apart from everyone else. They want to believe so much that the band are different to all the other bands and that they'd never 'sell out'. The problem is pop punk bands like a)music that is catchy, b)making enough money to fund being in the band, c)fun, and when you put these elements together...

So it's basically a timid parody of Katy Perry et al? Cutting edge!

In fairness though, I would have thought Offspringers would have been pretty used to having the skatepunk rug of security pulled from under them by now, after a series of singles over the years including:

• Hit That
• Spare me the Details
• Pretty Fly For A White Guy
• Why Don't You Get A Job

But if we go back further, what about I Choose, Don't Pick It Up, or even fan favourite Self Esteem? Y u no hate these non fast songs? And don't get me started on the occasional nirvana-inspired travesty they spewed out.

Tbh the reaction on APnet is more lol than the (possible) parody song ever could be! A sample:

Pretty Fly was made to make fun of people who listen to Pretty Fly? Srsly? lolololol. Also love the solution, delete their songs - real fanz

AND THEN ppl start praising the late pass of a band that is Bowling For Soup and Spare Me the Details, one of the worst Offspring songs evar (if we're basing it on how much it sounds like Smash or not)

Oh noes Noodles! guitarguy211 doesn't liek r musack!!1

I dunno, I haven't listened to anything from these dudes since the under-rated Splinter. I mean, they're getting to dinosaur age after all, it's only natural that they start making songs like the Foo Fighters (oh yeah, that's the other single lololol)