Dodgy Film Club: Thankskilling

Thankskilling is a low budget, self aware horror comedy about five college students on a road trip home for Thanksgiving, who are set upon by a murderous, eh, fowl-mouthed (sorry) Turkey.

Where has this movie been all my life? As much of an homage as a satire, it features a classic set of horror characters, including:

• The Jock (comes with football)
• The Redneck (comes with chin beard)
• The Nerd (comes with health issues)
• The Dumb Slut (comes with sex puns)
• The Good Girl (comes with additional 'Sheriff Dad' character)
• The Weird Old(ish) man (comes with ability to show up at any time)

Here are some highlights and things to expect:

• The opening shot is of an exposed breast, belonging to an inexplicably topless mom-aged blonde woman, in, we are told, 1621.
• Soon after we are introduced to the turkey, who can not only wield an axe, but can also deliver one liners like an anachronistic action movie star. (e.g. the line 'Nice tits, bitch', which is totally the language turkeys in 1621 would use, should they be able to talk)
• Surprisingly little nudity, given the open shot
• Vague Increasingly strong homo-eroticism
• A punk and metal dominated soundtrack for some reason. I mean, it's sweet, but why would these 5 people be listening to it?
• 'Turkeyologists'
• Awful puns!
• Graduates of the Alan Bagh school of acting
• A lead character named Johnny (reference or no?)
• The line 'Gobble gobble, motherfucker'

(Image Source: amazon.com)

Punktual Library: The Disaster Artist by Greg Sestero

  
THIS BOOK. Everything you wanted to know about the making of The Room, and more! Take away the greatest bad movie ever as the subject matter and you still have a captivating, creepy, gripping, funny, vaguely unsettling, curiously optimistic page turner.

For every answered question there springs forth another half dozen fresh questions. We learn much about Tommy Wiseau; mainly that he is a secretive, confusing enigma, even to someone as close to him as Greg Sestero.

Seriously, if you have any interest in The Room, psychology or weird characters, buy this book now.. Things we learn:

• Where Tommy is actually from (sort of!)
• How Tommy made his money (kind of!)
• Why Greg and many of the cast got involved and more importantly, stayed involved
• What it's like to be roommate with Tommy!
• Seriously, just read it

There are also photos and lines from the original script including such classic broken English as:
“Promotion! Promotion! That’s all I hear about. Here is your coffee and English muffin and burn your mouth.”

Read my interview with Greg Sestero AKA Mark here

Jingle All The Way Drinking Game

JINGLE ALL THE WAY DRINKING GAME 

'tis the season!

Dodgy Film Club: The Last Stand

It's a simple enough premise: The leader of a drug cartel escapes from a courthouse and is racing towards the Mexican border and freedom. The only thing that stands in his way is Arnold Schwarzenegger and his merry band of law enforcement misfits.



The film itself is more complicated, however. I mean, the cast is actually kinda decent for an action flick. Arnie, Johnny Knoxville as the wildcard, Forest Whitaker as the government police guy, some feisty chick as a female cop and some handsome dude as the loveable badboy. What's more, there is actually some attempt to pace the film at the start, to establish a storyline and build the characters.

On the other hand... How long has Arnie lived in America now?  Dat accent! Even in the storyline he is meant to have spent part of his career in LA. Then there's extended fight scenes, a shooting and a car chase within the first 28 minutes, too. And the police team are laughably cliche. Arnie, despite barely being able to speak understandable English, is the insightful, all-knowing Sheriff, backed up by:

• a chief Wiggum type chief 
• the above mentioned feisty girl 
• an All American guy who seems like a noob

There are times when this feels like a disaster blockbuster from the 90s. The amount of back and forth scenes alternatively showing the action on the road, at a roadblock and at police/govt HQ is like something out of Armageddon or Independence Day. When is Arnie getting involved in the action for reals you guys??

After about 35 minutes however, I found I was invested! Two cops were stranded when Arnie shows up. Within 5 seconds he has run over one guy with his jeep, smashed the window with his elbow and shot two more guys with a shotgun, now we're getting somewhere!

The siege element of the movie is when things really kick up a gear. This is some classic A-Team-esque 'baton down of the hatches and use what you have' action. Johnny Knoxville and the bad ass are made deputies (wat?) and the team set up their own road block with some impressive weapons that are questionably legal.

There are inconsistencies all over the place. Despite being hopeless in an earlier shootout, the female cop is extremely proficient with a sniper rifle, but she can't use a walkie talkie without slamming it on the ground each time.

It's worth watching, probably more suited to a guys night in than Dodgy Film Club, though. There is one spectacular mid air kill from Arnie though and some classic moments if you have missed him in this kind of role.

Dodgy Film Club: Birdemic 2

  
Ah the sequel.. once upon a time it seemed a rare thing, only used when the character-writing of a film was so good, or the story was so complex that another edition was a must. Of course now, sequels = $$$. So, where does that leave Birdemic 2? Will the sequel make lots of money? It might make some, but I doubt studios were engaged in a bidding war. So maybe it will be a natural progression of the story, that answers the (many, many) questions from the first? I wouldn't hold my breath...
 
Most importantly to me and other fans, would the sequel retain the vision, spirit and energy of the first?
Well, having solved climate change in birdemic, James now turns his attention to Hollywood! (Because, you know, he has made a few films in his time and I think he know's what he's talking about okay?



From the opening scene it's clear that James has decided 'if it's broke but it kinda worked, don't fix it!' Yes, just like in the first movie, there is a painfully long credit sequence, this time documenting some guy walking for 5 minutes (in what looks like real time) through Hollywood. The 'extras' are just people who happen to be on the street and a dramatic wailing siren is actually a real cop car that has nothing to do with the story. Also check out the blurred out movie ads. Besides wondering where the scene/character was going, I was also struck by how many people worked on this monstrosity.

Mr Nguyen puts his personal, clumsy stamp all over this movie and the message is again, as subtle as a brick. We're informed that the best indie movies are those where the director is given complete control and how Hollywood movies are like, sooooo expensive.

There's too much to talk about, so - in bullet form - some of the recurring features from the first film:

• Dodgy news broadcasts
• Creepy dudes chasing blondes down the street
• Awkward human interaction
• Extended clapping/celebration scenes
• Awkward dinner date
• A walk on the beach, complete with terrible, windswept audio
• Terrible graphics
• Awkwardness, so much damn awkwardness
• The unsure doctor/professor -"Don't you know that uh birds are the descendants of uh dinosaurs?
• SUPER awkward dance scene w/black singer singing with no audio/amplification equipment
• Obtrusive mom

But James didn't make a sequel of basically the same movie without some new tricks up his sleeve! New things to look out for include:

• A driving scene that looks like an 80s music video
• Flashbacks to cavemen times
• An underwater scene like nothing you've ever seen before
• Some biting satire of horror movies
• Zombies...

Also: The line where the kid explains how his sister died.

The drinking game, should you need it: Drink on the word 'dead'. Takes a while to get going, but, you'll get there.