The Moral Majority, for the unenlightened, are a Christian, right wing, conservative group who are very concerned about family values and morals.
In their bid to rid the world of EVIL these do-gooders have created a site (www.movieguide.org) dedicated to promoting nice little films that are clean and happy and safe for kids! They also detail the sordid elements of movies and rating them, from a ‘concerned parent’ type of view.
Now, anyone who has read this blog knows my taste in films, and might be wondering what could possibly interest me here. Do I really want to see films such as The Nativity Story or The Ten Commandments? Hell no!
But not only does Movieguide rate good-intentioned, family-friendly films, it also give minus stars for the most SHOCKING, BLASHPEMOUS and IMMORAL movies! It just so happens that some of us like these despicable creations.
Machete
First off, I can't believe I haven't written about this for Dodgy Film Club,
something I will rectify asap. The moral majority have listed the following
adjectives in relation to the film all about the mustachioed Mexican:
“Evil, rotten, disgusting, humanist, nihilistic, Communist”
Not only that, but it also contains “68 obscenities and 17 profanities.” This, I remind you, is all before a summary of the film itself is actually touched upon. These are merely red flags of disgust, to spark the beginnings of a righteous, moral fire. Red Flags of Awesomeness more like!
I’ve just realised that I’m assuming everyone knows what Machete is about, or at least can have a stab at the gist of it from the poster. Apologies, let me have the good people at MovieGuide.org explain:
“MACHETE
is an ultra violent, extremely lewd and bloody exploitation movie about a
Mexican immigrant who, working with left-wing revolutionaries, violently stops
a conspiracy involving a corrupt white businessman secretly in cahoots with a
Mexican drug lord who’s manipulating white vigilantes killing illegal
immigrants. MACHETE is one of the worst movies ever – an ultra violent,
bloody mess with extremely lewd content and a hateful, offensive, racist,
Anti-American worldview.”
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| I don't know what they could possibly find offensive about this. |
Sounds amazing, right?! I think so. But perhaps it’s not for you. I mean, exploitation films are kind of a niche.
How about a film that is a true celebration of being alive? A film in which a man, who suffered terrible punishment and died, came back to life! That sounds like something Christians could get on board with!
Crank High Voltage
“CRANK HIGH VOLTAGE is a repulsive action movie about a former hitman who
must find the Asian gang leader who replaced his heart with a mechanical one
that needs constant electrical stimulation to keep working.”
Okay, they don’t like it, but it can’t be the worst action film they’ve ever seen?
“CRANK HIGH VOLTAGE may be the worst, most abhorrent and evil action movie
ever made.”
Ah. Moving on then…
 |
| Tell me there's nothing angelic about this scene! |
Piranha 3DD
Next up is GDAC Dodgy Film Club favourite, Piranha 3DD! A tale about man struggling to find his place in the ecosystem. Initial signs are good with this review, as the MovieGuide tag line says ‘This movie really bites’. That’s right folks, that’s a pun! A real, live pun!
I’m not sure they’re thinking this reviewing craic through, because if the lines: “more than 120 obscenities and profanities; extreme bloody, gruesome violence includes piranha comes out of woman’s body and attaches to man’s private parts" makes me want to (re)watch this as a 26 year old, think of what impact it would have on teenage boys.
There’s also a very odd segue, when the reviewer talks about 'anti-smoking Nazis’. Are we SURE this isn’t a parody site? Does the reviewer really detest films with swear words and nudity because they harm children, yet he is pro-smoking? Lololol.
(I don't want to spoil any of this by adding gifs. Plus, I can't find any vaguely religious themed gif.)
I’m sure the list contains any number of entertaining/evil films I have yet to see. MovieGuide.org has gained a new fan, albeit for all the wrong reasons.
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