I don't actually listen to metal these days. Not 'proper' metal anyway, just stuff with breakdowns played by lads with emo fringes. The only REAL METAL I enjoy in any way is the completely ludicrous, over the top, so into it that it's a parody of itself, MEEETAAAAAAAAAL.
There was a time when I'd try to get into the supposedly more credible genres such as metal and pop punk would be a guilty pleasure from my younger years. These days I am unashamedly representing my pop punk roots but I occasionally relapse into a metal fix. Thankfully these moments are few and far between and when they do happen I am clearheaded enough to see them for the ridiculous, homoerotic lolfactories that they are. So, here is the first installment of Ridiculous Metal of the Month: Bloodbound - In The Name of Metal
So we see the little kid wake up only to be confronted with the genre that every metalhead most despises; Country and Western!! (They also don't like rap too much but will allow it in some situations). Ughhh, country, it's so cheesy and wack. Old music played by dumb hicks with long hair. Not like REAL MUSIC. Not like METAL.
Some things to note:
- Nothing is more metal than screaming metal in a falsetto voice while wearing leather. NOTHING.
- The kid is a great actor and I love that he's nodding his head from the first line and then headbanging out of time and using his air guitar within the opening few seconds, such is the feeling that metal gives him.
- "You say I'm evil, you say I suck. My hair's too long, I don't give a fuck!" And it goes on like this. Is this srs?!
- METAL in flames. Hell yeah!
- The kid knows his stuff. Proper metal bands like Kiss and eh, the Misfits...
- What is the guy in the guitar shop actually doing while he checks the guitar? And why isn't he worried that this child is there alone, buying a guitar that is too big for him, with not even a carrybag or case thrown in? Poor show, sir.
- And so it finally ends, and the kid is on the streets with just a pointy guitar for company.
