The new Pennywise is so good

Okay...so usually when starting a post like this I give a rundown of my thoughts on the band in question (liek u care!?) and it's a slightly rambling, unecessary affair. And this time it's going to be even more the case methinks... 

I first heard Pennywise through a video a friend made me (which was made up of stuff from the p-rock channel) and the song Same Old Story, which was a great song full of y u no understand me dad lyrics. I also heard Open Door on a compilation CD and it's one of my favourite punk songs to this day. Then I heard Fuck Authority and I was blown away by the intensity, aggression and guitar tones goin' on. The problem was their stuff was pretty hard to find in the middle of nowhere in Ireland and by the time I got their albums (several years later) I found they didn't have the humour of NOFX, the melodies of Bad Religion, the riffs of Strung Out etc. They didn't have a bad song, mind you, but something held them back from nestling a spot in my top 5 skate punk bands. (like they care..)

Then, last year, lead singer Jim left. If you take the story in 'The Other F Word' (which is well worth a watch) then he wanted to be with his family and the other guys weren't sensitive to this, kept pressuring him to go on tours etc.. If you take the story in this interview by Fletcher then Jim wasn't the only one with pressures, and his decision to go on tour with a new band soon after leaving the P-wise was a bit crap. Either way The Black Pacific came along and I was pretty excited when I heard them first but tbh I haven't listened to them much. Pennywise meanwhile regrouped and eventually picked the dude from Ignite as their nu guy. (I have no opinion either way on Ignite, think I heard one song, power metal punk? who dey tbh)

Anyway enough of me, here's one of their new songs 'All or Nothing', it's pretty class.

• The sound/production is great, they were getting a little over-produced
• Dat opening line, perfect to shout in ur bedroom when ur parents r out of da house!
• MMM 00.34... The change of pace, delicious. 
• Melodic gang vox <3
• Is it me or does he sound like a less whiney Dexter Holland?

• I can't even put my finger on why this is so good, it just all works
• The first part of the chorus is a bit 'epic' for me but the faster vocals parts are gooood
• It's very reliant on the vocals but they get better as the song goes on

I'm fully aware I sound like a teenager but I'm genuinely excited about hearing/getting the full album. This has such a late 90s/early 00s skate punk vibe. 4 thumbs up so far.

Dodgy Film Club: Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

If you don’t want to watch this film because of the title alone then it’s probably not for you. A kung fu loving Jesus (yes, that Jesus) tries to rid the world of some lesbian vampires, and fights some atheists along the way, with the help of a girl in an atrocious red outfit, and a wrestler..for some reason. (Or something.) Oh and it’s a musical of sorts also.

Some highlights include:

• A thumping euro-techno song in the background while Jesus kicks the asses of about a million atheists who look like they met at a punk/metal club the night before.
• Some great lol action in the fights such as when Jesus uses his superpowers and a leg drop!
• Some of the most hideous women that have ever been filmed, including a GIANT beast in one of the dance numbers. Shudder.
• An 80s style montage when Jesus tries on different outfits and his ladyfriend judges them.
• A talking dessert that is (possibly) God..? I think? 
• An assistant who keeps getting her (his?) ass grabbed

It’s definitely worth a watch if only for the wtf factor. There are so many unanswered questions and plot holes. Jesus was advised to get a haircut and new clothes to blend in..advised by a woman who spends the rest of the film running around in dat red outfit.

The first few fight scenes are pretty amazing but it kinda fades after that. Imagine a load of ‘alternative’ people who were drunk/high and joking about making a film about a kung fu Jesus..And now imagine that it actually got made. That’s pretty much what this is like.

Marky Ramone is selling pasta sauce?!?

 

Not content with flogging a dead horse playing Ramones songs, Marky is also flogging a red sauce it seems! I'm gonna get a crate (a handy 12 jars, only $88!) and start a punk rock section of my kitchen with my Dexter Holland Hot Sauce.

Some Courage My Love fangirl/graphic artist makes a lyrics collage

Let's see this on a t-shirt pls

Tbh, this is the kind of thing I would have done if I had access to photoshop as a teenager. Except they would have been blink-182 lyrics.

The nice ppl in Courage My Love retweeted this and it came to my attention. If you don't know who they are then let me over analyse them for you here!

Are The Offspring trolling? Either way, ppl b mad.

No trollface shoop required!

There's something inherently funny about the situation when a pop-punk band, who have lots of fans who really want the band to be REAL PUNK, release what is essentially a pop song and the fans get mad. The band may have been 'more punk' in the beginning, previous singles may have been 'ironic' or 'sarcastic', but it all boils down to the 'fans' being slightly embarrassed of liking a band that's becoming mainstrm, and therefore not their special little obsession that sets them apart from everyone else. They want to believe so much that the band are different to all the other bands and that they'd never 'sell out'. The problem is pop punk bands like a)music that is catchy, b)making enough money to fund being in the band, c)fun, and when you put these elements together...

So it's basically a timid parody of Katy Perry et al? Cutting edge!

In fairness though, I would have thought Offspringers would have been pretty used to having the skatepunk rug of security pulled from under them by now, after a series of singles over the years including:

• Hit That
• Spare me the Details
• Pretty Fly For A White Guy
• Why Don't You Get A Job

But if we go back further, what about I Choose, Don't Pick It Up, or even fan favourite Self Esteem? Y u no hate these non fast songs? And don't get me started on the occasional nirvana-inspired travesty they spewed out.

Tbh the reaction on APnet is more lol than the (possible) parody song ever could be! A sample:

Pretty Fly was made to make fun of people who listen to Pretty Fly? Srsly? lolololol. Also love the solution, delete their songs - real fanz

AND THEN ppl start praising the late pass of a band that is Bowling For Soup and Spare Me the Details, one of the worst Offspring songs evar (if we're basing it on how much it sounds like Smash or not)

Oh noes Noodles! guitarguy211 doesn't liek r musack!!1

I dunno, I haven't listened to anything from these dudes since the under-rated Splinter. I mean, they're getting to dinosaur age after all, it's only natural that they start making songs like the Foo Fighters (oh yeah, that's the other single lololol)

Twitter-sized review: Marvel Avengers Assemble

Marvel Avengers Assemble: Silly talk, silly talk, Action! Silly talk, AAACCTTTIIIOOONN! Some lols. 7/10

"Who's the fucking fggt now?" - Loki

Dodgy Film Club: Birdemic - Shock and Terror

Blondie is actually laughing. There's nothing funny about your acting career going down the tubes, love.

Once you experience* the rollercoaster* journey* of human emotion that is The Room it’s very hard to find a film that is not only as dodgy and lolworthy but also takes itself seriously. After much searching and several slightly dodgy films, Bridemic: Shock and Terror was chosen. I'm still recovering.

 (*I’m thinking of becoming a scriptwriter for ‘reality tv talent shows, just getting the lingo down.)

This is a masterpiece in bad cinema. It seems the brains behind it (James Nguyen) is super concerned about global warming and decided the medium of film was the best way to get the message across. The, eh, plot is that after what feels like a lifetime of awkward converstaion between the characters, they are attacked by some eagles who are pissed off about oil prices. Or something. There are literally too many mistakes and terrible things to mention but they include:

• Awful acting without any emotion/dialogue read in monotone
• Terrible cuts that have clearly been recorded at different times, resulting in changes in sound quality/background noise 
• A news report that resembles a school project.
• Actually, all the ‘science’ and explanations are lol
• Shakey camera-work that ruins any small chance of getting ‘lost’ in the ‘story’ 
• Filer! Filler! Filler! WE GET IT, THEY’RE IN A RESTARAUNT.
• ‘A date without sex is a date wated’ *thrusting motion*
• Awkward gaps and pauses during the ‘phone calls’ that don’t sync up properly
• REALLY awkward pauses at the end of scenes that haven’t been edited out
• Extennnnded clapping. Srsly, go make a sandwich once they start clapping, it goes on for ages
• An Irish bar with that Irish form of Irish musical entertainment: a black soul singer, performing (miming) to a full band track by himself

This, can I just add, is all before the atrocity that are the birds appear in the film, looking like something out of DuckHunt and sounding like a mouse orgy as interpreted by angry dolphins. An as for the ‘attacks’, they really have to be seen to be believed. The characters flail at random (using their motel hangars at weapons...) and the digitally added 2D birds flap ineffectually somewhere around the general vicinity. And all of this because the birds are angry at global warming (or something).


The smell of hippy/film student off the film can be whiffed a mile away, from the clunky suggestions that hybrid cars are great dropped into the script with as much subtley as a petrol bomb, to the embarassing background soundtrack that is clearly a reworking of Imagine by John Lennon ‘written’ by some stoner who had his mind blown when he picked up his shitty acoustic and the ‘music, like, just came to him’ one evening. There’s also a treehugger who looooves trees and eventually leaves the scene when he hears a mountain lion. LOLWAT. Oh yeah, then there’s a forest fire for some reason.

Oh, and the guns do this.

After the birds arrive there are plenty of moments to make you ask HOW DID THIS GET MADE???? including:

• CGI fireballs that look like the ones from South Park
• The kamikaze fighter pilot sound some of the birds make
• The same footage of one bird being shot being used over and over and over again 
• Unlimited bullets!
• Where were they even driving to?
• A doctor scientist ornithologist giving a lecture
• The two kids pretty much being adopted, no questions asked

I guess James Nguyen has succeeded in creating awareness, through a massive lolfail. The film is meant to be a stark warning and the catlyst to the viewer asking themselves some stern questions about their carbon footprint.
The only questions I was left with was how this got made and how did he manage to get so many hotties involved!?

Srsly, there's so much lolgore and so bad it's funny stuff going on I can't even cover it. Watch it!